My moderator broke!?!

Moderation is the key.  Chemicals are good in moderation, but my moderator broke some years back. For quite a few years coffee and cigarettes were two of my favorite things. After all, they took the place of Guinness ale and Crown Royal whiskey. This was a pretty good trade off, at least for me. I'm certainly not saying that drinking is bad or that cigarettes are good. In fact I'm saying I loved them both very much. But one kept me from being the semi-normal person that I am today and the other one kept that same semi-normal person from breathing well. So they are both gone. Coffee however. Coffee is consumed by this neurotic, egotistical, worry some, perfectionist in vast quantities. Not enough to kill a racehorse, but certainly enough to make me piss grounds and my prostate scream. Like I said my moderator broke years ago. I don't know how to do things half ass. I'm either going for the gold or lets just be honest, I'm not fucking doing it! Every moment of my life is on some type of schedule and the word busy is just not adequate to describe my existence. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm well aware of what an ass I am and if I happen to forget my lovely wife is always there to remind me. It's a job she does so well that she has even given my friends and coworkers the same benefit. At any given moment while trying to enlighten them into the scenario of how much better things would be if they would just do it my way her words come pouring through. You're an asshole! Yes. Thank you. I'll be here all week. I am however very grateful to have these people in my life because without them I'd be happy, let's just say even less nice than I already am. Now I'm not poor mouthing. I don't have what our friendly therapists like to call "low self esteem". In fact, I've probably got enough for me, you, and the horse you rode in on. I once made the amazing discovery that I was so egotistical as to think that I didn't even have an ego. This astounding realization was immediately confirmed by loved ones and friends. When it comes right down to it, I am an imperfect perfectionist. That's all. No more. No less. It's not that I have some deep seated psychological issue at least that I'm telling you about. It's just that my moderator is broken, and come to think about it. I'm not sure the little fucker ever worked at all.