Bless His Little Heart

I'm from the south. That is, the southern part of the United States. And like everyone from the south I have a southern grandmother. She was born here, in the south. She has lots of old stories, recipes, and of course sayings. Now my grandmother is a good god fearing, christian woman, who by her own account has never ever said anything bad about anyone. See, you to can say whatever you want about a person as long as after you say it you use these four little words. God bless his little heart. I can hear it now. "He grew up just around the corner from us and always went to church and was in the boy scouts with your dad and grandfather. I just can't imagine why he would go and leave his family and get two other women pregnant at the same time. God bless his little heart!". Or this one, which was said while shopping with another woman. "Why sweetie I would never have thought you were that big. Do you really wear that size? Bless your little heart." I could add to the list into infinity. Now I truly believe that one of two things is true. Either my grandmother is truly a kind  and wonderful woman who just starts saying things before the thoughts have finished in her head, or she is the most calculating, devious woman I have ever known who pulls it all off beautifully, while making melted cheese sandwiches in the oven or shoving fried chicken legs into her pantsuit jacket pockets at restaurants. Whichever it is, I'm not so sure that I want to know. But I do know this. The next time you want to tear some body's testicles off and shove them down their throat, just think of my grandmother, and don't forget to add, bless his little heart.