Where are MY kids???

Today is Tuesday. For most people, the second day of the work week. Fortunately, I was off yesterday. In fact, my wife, kids, and I spent the whole day together. Well kinda. My daughter who is eleven, thinks she is 19. She has developed the attitude of a woman scorned, without being scorned. My wife assures me this will get worse before it gets better and let me just tell you. I can't wait. What was once my beautiful little girl is now some evil entity residing in her ever maturing body. Just yesterday her attitude cost her, her friends, her phone, the computer, and anything else I could think of. Her response, "I don't care." Great. You don't care. Well I do care, and I'm the boss! Needless to say she spent most of the day and evening in her room. My son..... My boy! My boy is nine. My boy is into sports, farting, and eating. All things manly. He's also a big computer gaming guy. But not anymore.... Just yesterday his mom and I overhead a conversation he was having over the phone with one of his buddies. Then out of nowhere we heard him tell his friend he couldn't go onto this gaming website anymore one that I have to pay for because he was banned. My wife called him into the room we were in and asked him about this. "Why were you banned?" she asked. To this he replied something about some kid being mean and cussing on the website. To this she replied "Ok, but why were YOU banned?" Again he said something about a boy cussing to which he was then asked what did he say? He wouldn't say, so he was asked again. Then he was told to spell it/ "F U C K." My wife went ape shit! He was immediately chewed up one wall and down the other and promptly sent to his room. Throughout all of this I stayed very quiet, for two reasons. One, I was doing the best I could not to laugh my ass off. Two, I knew at any moment the rage that she had boiling inside of her could, and would, be rightfully directed at me. After a few hours, and a few "I'm sorrys..." both children were allowed to come back into the living room and spend good wholesome quality time with us the parents of the fucking year. So beware out there all you moms and dads. One day your sweet, loving, innocent children may disappear to, leaving you to ponder what the hell you did to deserve this. As for me, I'm just glad to be at work today!